Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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