There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
