Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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