I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
That was an excessively violent trivia night
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
