Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
