Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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