Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm getting married
To pizza
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
