ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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