So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
There are leaves in my underwear?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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