Grow some girl-balls and come out already
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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