Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
