This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
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