An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Congratulations! We have a period
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
