TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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