VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
