matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
