Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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