I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
