I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
