**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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