At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
