Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
