Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
