my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
