Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I have post one night stand depression
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