I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
