I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
