Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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