i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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