we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
