Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
