thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
