if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
