there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
