have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize