Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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