It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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