You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
you had me at cake vodka
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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