k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
