I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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