He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
