my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
