It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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