Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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