plz talk dirty to me
Soap is not a condiment
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
