this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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