I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
