I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
