come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
