I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
