I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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