then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
