so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
