Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
