I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
