How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
