I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
