You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
