it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
it's like heaven, but drunker
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
