I could make wine with my vomit
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
