doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
