I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
