so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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