i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
