:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I am naked and annoyed.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
