Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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