new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
