I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
