by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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