they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize