Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
