Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize