How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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