she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
