The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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