38 yer olds are good kisserssss
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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