is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
