Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
