yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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