I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
