Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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