:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize