It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
