she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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